


you should know i'll be there for you

by actually_ihavenoidea



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Cute Kageyama Tobio, Dissociation, Eventual Relationships, Fluff, Hinata is stressed, Hospitals, Humor, I wrote this so someone pukes, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Minor Ennoshita Chikara/Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Pining Hinata Shouyou, Pre-Relationship, Sick Character, Sick Kageyama Tobio, Sickfic, Sorry About It, Vomiting, at the end I tried, i've been working on this for so long thank goodness it's finally published, it should be illegal for kageyama to be so cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 04:01:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26466853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/actually_ihavenoidea/pseuds/actually_ihavenoidea
Summary: "if we have each other then we'll both be fine."or: Kageyama gets sick and it's a lot for Hinata to handle.***TRIGGER WARNINGS: anxiety attacks, dissociation, puking, hospitals
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 13
Kudos: 246





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama is sick and Hinata wants to be helpful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***TRIGGER WARNINGS*** for anxiety attacks, puke, and dissociations
> 
> Just a heads up: I don't *think* I've ever dissociated and I did my research and talked to some friends who were willing to talk to me about dissociation and I tried my best, but if you have feedback and you're willing to share, I'm all ears! Pls help me out!
> 
> Title from "if we have each other" by Alec Benjamin

“Kageyama,” Hinata called out as he took his shoes and coat off, “I’m home.” 

He was returning from his afternoon classes and in his hand, he had a small grocery bag filled with soothing teas, stomach relaxers, fever reducers, and crackers. 

As he took his shoes off, he looked around their small apartment and smiled gently to himself. 

After he and Kageyama found out that they both got into different universities in Tokyo, they decided it only made sense to live together. The apartment they found was the perfect distance between both of their universities weren’t too, so the commute wasn’t too bad for either of them. They still bickered over stupid things often, but regardless of their residual rivalry, the feeling of warmth Hinata felt every time he came home to their tiny, cheap, apartment never faded.

It had been about a year and things were going pretty well for them. Up until recently, the biggest issues they faced occurred once when Hinata brought home what he thought was a stray cat, only for Kageyama to point out that it was actually a racoon, and when Kageyama fell asleep one time while waiting for the bath to fill and ended up flooding the bathroom. 

Currently though, Hinata was faced with another minor bump in the road. Kageyama had been complaining of a stomach ache since yesterday morning and when he developed a low-grade fever, Hinata had convinced him to stay home with, concerningly enough, very little argument. He had offered to stay home with his roommate, but Kageyama insisted that Hinata was “too stupid to skip his classes” and that he’d be okay. Hinata tried to argue, but failed miserably. When he came home that night, Kageyama had fallen asleep on the couch with the heat blasting and all the lights on in the apartment. 

Hinata managed to wrestle him into bed where the setter promptly passed out. When Hinata left that morning, Kageyama was still asleep and still had a fever. 

Naturally then, Hinata wasn’t surprised when he came home to a dark and silent house. He sighed as he put his stuff down in the kitchen and then headed to his room to drop off his backpack and change into some sweatpants. Once comfortably dress-downed (not that he was that dressed up anyway), he went to Kageyama’s room to check on him. When he didn’t see Kageyama, he frowned. 

_That can’t be good._ He bit his lip and brought his hands to his chest, pulling on his fingers. There was really only one other location in which his sickly friend may be located.

The bathroom. 

Upon entering the aforementioned room and taking in the scene before him, Hinata’s face fell. Kageyama was sitting on the ground by the toilet, his arm against the rim of the seat. His head rested uncomfortably against his on and he snored gently, cheeks flushed. The only things he was wearing were a thin t-shirt and some sweatpants. Even through the dim lighting in the room, Hinata could tell he was trembling. 

“Tch, Bakayama,” Hinata muttered and turned to leave the bathroom. He came back a minute or two later with some water, crackers, and a blanket. 

He put the water and crackers on the counter and placed the blanket around Kageyama’s shoulders. Then he sat down across from his pale friend, leaning against the cabinet under the sink. 

_Hmph, “friend,”_ Hinata thought bitterly, looking at Kageyama’s sleeping face. That single word offended him daily, slamming around in his head constantly. 

In the past year, Kageyama introduced Hinata to sides of himself that, he realized, no one else ever saw. Hinata had his own secret version of Kageyama that, in all honesty, he wasn’t willing to share. 

Because of all that though, Hinata developed some, at first, unwanted feelings (was he always into boys? What an identity crisis that was), for his best friend. As time went on though, he learned to accept the feelings, but wasn’t quite sure what to do with them. He realized they had always kind of been there, but he didn’t know what to call them, so like the truly mentally healthy person he was, he ignored them. It wasn’t until they lived together and were alone so often that those feelings resurfaced and demanded acknowledgment. 

Looking at Kageyama now— as flushed, clammy and exhausted as he was— he couldn’t help but fall more in love with his best friend. Only Hinata was allowed to see Kageyama this vulnerable, let alone actually help him in any way. Everyone knew Hinata was special and Hinata desperately hoped to remain the only special one in Kageyama’s life.

Adoration was quickly replaced by concern when Kageyama whimpered quietly and his face contorted in pain. Hinata reached over to check his fever and winced. He needed to get Kageyama’s temperature down soon. 

His hands moved of their own accord, gently carding through Kageyama’s hair—which was still somehow soft despite the sheer amount of sweat caked in it. Kageyama’s face scrunched up cutely before he blinked himself awake. 

“Hinata?” he croaked without moving from his current position. He looked at Hinata, but didn’t make any moves to sit up. 

“Hi, Yama. Do you feel any better?” Hinata asked, voice uncharacteristically soft. Kageyama just shook his head and leaned into Hinata’s touch. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here.” The only response Hinata got was another subtle shake of the head before Kageyama closed his eyes again and started taking deep, measured, breaths. Hinata frowned and waited for Kageyama to work through what he could only assume was a bout of nausea. 

A few moments later, he opened his eyes and sighed. Hinata handed him the water and Kageyama took it gratefully. He took a few sips before he took Hinata completely by surprise and moved to lay down, using Hinata’s lap as a pillow. 

Once Hinata collected himself, he muttered something about not throwing up on his lap, to which Kageyama tch’d and threw his hand up to gently smack Hinata in the face. 

“Don’t worry about not being here by the way,” he said a beat later, settling into his chosen pillow more comfortably. “I told you to go to class.” 

Hinata furrowed his eyebrows, pulled his lips into a tight line and exhaled slowly through his nose. Kageyama was trying to reassure him, but he still felt bad. Unconsciously, he started gently drawing different shapes up and down Kageyama’s arm. 

“Did you throw up?” he grimaced. He didn’t really want to know, not really good with puke despite his own...messy history. Regardless, he wanted to know as much about Kageyama’s current condition as possible so he knew how to help. 

“No,” Kageyama grumbled, “just been sitting here for hours thinking I might.” Hinata made a noise of confirmation and nodded. 

“Do the thing in my hair again,” Kageyama demanded. Hinata snorted, but moved his hand back up to Kageyama’s hair anyway. They stayed like that for a few peacefully silent moments before Hinata exhaled quickly and pursed his lips, trying to figure out the best course of action. 

“Well, wanna move to your bed? Or the couch? It’s probably more comfortable,” he offered. 

Kageyama groaned, “not really? I don’t want to risk making a mess.” Hinata nodded silently.

They fell into a comfortable silence again. Hinata continued running his fingers through Kageyama’s hair, glad that he was able to offer some sort of comfort to his sick friend. Kageyama was so still, that if not for the occasional moan or whine of discomfort, Hinata may have thought he was asleep. Eventually, Hinata stopped moving his hand through Kageyama’s hair in order to reach up to the counter, where he put his phone down earlier, resulting in a whimpered protest from Kageyama.

“Chill,” he chuckled, “I’m just checking the time.” Technically, he had an evening class to attend; he had only planned on coming home to drop the crackers and tea off so he really should have started getting ready to go. He took in Kageyama’s appearance once more. Finally, he decided there was absolutely no way he could leave. Even if he did go to class, he knew he wouldn’t be able to focus on anything being said in his lecture. 

“Well, it’s only about 5:00 o’clock. Why don’t we just go sit on the couch and watch a movie. You can nap. I’ll take your temperature and cater to His Highness’s every need,” he teased and he felt Kageyama scowl at the use of his high school nickname. 

“You have class,” he rebuffed and Hinata rolled his eyes. 

“I’m not going.” 

Kageyama opened his eyes and turned to look at him. He glared to the best of his ability, but with his hair all messed up and a permanent blush on his face, it was far more adorable than it was threatening. 

“Bakayama,” Hinata scoffed, “you really think I can leave you like this? Now c’mon, get up. We’re moving to the couch. I’ll make you some tea and _okayu_ and we’ll put on Zootopia.” He threw on his best sunshiney smile, “I’ll even get you a bucket and rub your back if you throw up.” 

Kageyama just mumbled his protest, complaining about not wanting to eat anything, but sat up anyway. Once free, Hinata made to leave the room and start prepping things, but stopped when Kageyama caught his wrist. He looked down and his heart skipped a beat at the way Kageyama was looking up at him, all ruffled hair, wide eyes, and flushed cheeks. 

“Piggy back?” he asked softly and Hinata felt his soul leave his body for just a second. 

“B-baka, you’re bigger than me. H-How’s that supposed to work?” More like how is Hinata not supposed to implode with Kageyama that close?

“Please? I’m so tired,” Kageyama whined and Hinata raised his eyebrows and looked at him with wide eyes.

“Plus,” Kageyama continued, undeterred by Hinata’s shock, “I know you can squat more than my weight now.” And well, that was true. How he knew that, Hinata wasn’t sure, but nonetheless, he couldn’t argue. 

“F-fine. Stand up.” Kageyama smiled like a praised child and made grabby hands towards Hinata (how dare he be so cute?) and Hinata squatted down beside him. Together they got Kageyama up and on Hinata’s back and Hinata, thankfully, managed to not implode right away. 

Their short trek to the living room almost ended rather abruptly though, when Kageyama decided it would be a fine time to nuzzle his nose into Hinata’s neck, sigh, and softly mutter “smells good,” catching Hinata completely off guard. He just barely managed to avoid face planting. 

“B-baka! Don’t sniff me!” Hinata stuttered. 

“Don’t yell at me,” he petulantly responded. 

By the time Hinata got Kageyama to the couch, he was also flushed, caused solely by the human embodiment of adorableness on his back who was so unlike the grumpy boy he knew. 

Hinata unceremoniously dumped Kageyama onto the couch, ignoring the latter’s shrieks of indignation. He said something quickly about making _okayu_ and evacuated to the safety of the kitchen. 

He gripped the counter tightly in a feeble attempt to gather himself and calm his rapidly beating heart. His mind was a downward spiral of questions that only caused more confusion for his poor heart. 

Who the hell is that person sitting in their living room? That isn’t any form of Kageyama he’s ever dealt with before. Clingy? Whiny? Is that what he’s like when he’s sick? No, that couldn’t be right. During second year he got sick and when Hinata went to his house to bring him his homework and tried to take care of him he got yelled at and kicked out. So why the heck was he being this way? It was entirely too cute. He was depending on Hinata. He trusted Hinata. The thought made Hinata’s heart jump with poorly timed excitement. 

In the end, he realized there wasn’t much he could do about it, barring ignoring him and going to class, avoiding Clingy Kageyama all together. It was already decided that wasn’t happening though. So, he shook his head, took a deep breath and got to work making Kageyama some food. 

Once his internal panic was under some semblance of control, things went by quickly. He made the stupid rice gruel and stupid tea for Stupid Kageyama and got a basin in case he still felt nauseous. By the time he finished, Hinata figured that he managed to calm himself down pretty well. 

Entering the living room threw that idea right out the window though. 

Kageyama was sitting cross-legged on the couch, cocooned in not only the blanket that Hinata had given him, but also the one that Hinata keeps on the couch all year round (only because Kageyama insisted on keeping the thermostat at 18.3 degrees (64 fahrenheit) even during the winter, because “Dumbass, we don’t have money to pay for heating!”). 

If that wasn’t cute enough, Kageyama Tobio, King of the Court, the Nightmare Rival of All Setters, _was pouting._ Hinata’s heart squeezed at the utter cuteness encapsulated in the scene before him. 

Kageyama’s eyebrows were pushed together, nose scrunched and lips pursed in the actual literal most sinfully adorable pout on the planet and Hinata swears he could’ve just died right there. Cause of death? Tobio Kageyama’s childish, darling, pout. 

He shook himself out of his stupor once more and sighed for the upteenth time that day. “Yama-chan, why are you pouting?”

“Because you dumped me on the couch and then left, Dumbass. I’m _sick_. How could you?” Kageyama cried and Hinata chuckled in amusement. 

“Oh did Yamayama-chan miss me while I made him some _okayu_?” Hinata teased and Kageyama’s face got even redder if possible. He floundered a little bit, his mouth opening and closing quickly. 

“No! I just...my stomach hurts and you said you’d help me… so just… I don’t know!” Wow. Hinata may have previously been flustered by this new Kageyama form, but now, after this most recent set of events, he couldn’t get enough. He figured he might as well indulge in the mood while it lasts. 

Hinata smirked, “Okay, okay, Yama-chan. Here’s your _okayu_ and I’ll put on the movie.” 

“Zootopia?” he grumbled. 

“Mhm,” Hinata nodded as he put two bowls of rice gruel on the table and moved to get the movie ready. 

“You said you were going to make tea?” 

“It’s steeping right now. I’ll go get it after I put the movie in,” Hinata said, setting up the DVD player. 

“Ginger?” 

“Yep. _Shogayu_.” 

“Good,” Kageyama muttered, looking away from Hinata as he turned around to face the sick boy. He went over to Kageyama and pinched his cheek.

“Anything for you, Yamayama-chan.” Kageyama smacked his hand away and Hinata laughed as he made his way back to the kitchen to get the tea. 

No more than five minutes could have passed, but when Hinata went back into the living room, his froze, fear seizing his entire body and rooting him to his spot. 

Pain was etched into every inch of Kageyama’s face. He laid curled up on the couch, his arms wrapped tightly around his stomach. His breaths were short and fast. Hinata didn’t understand. He was fine before. How could he have deteriorated so quickly? 

“H-Hinata,” Kageyama looked at him in desperation. As soon as he heard the breathy plea, Hinata’s body moved on its own. He dropped the mugs he was holding, hearing them shatter on the ground, but not really caring. He was on his knees by Kageyama’s side in an instant. 

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong? What hurts? What’s happening? Talk to me,” he was trying to keep calm, but couldn’t quite manage to keep the panic out of his voice. Now that he was closer, he could see that Kageyama had gone as white as a sheet, a thin layer of sweat covering his face. He was shaking visibly and his face was pinched tightly, eyes screwed shut. 

“M-my…” Kageyama wheezed, “st-stomach.”

“I know! I know! But what’s wrong?” Hinata felt the tears starting to burn his eyes. He frantically brushed Kageyama’s hair back, trying to get a gauge on his fever. It definitely got higher. 

Kageyama’s eyes shot open and he gasped for air and grabbed Hinata’s hands. He pulled them tightly to his chest and squeezed painfully. Hinata was growing desperate.

“Kageyama, please. _Please,”_ he begged. What was wrong? What was wrong? What was wrong??? 

Kageyama grunted and squeezed his eyes shut again, “F-feels like I’m b-being,” he rasped, “stabbed,” he curled in further on himself. 

“Okay, okay! I-I can work with that,” what should he do? “I’m going to c-call an ambu-l-lance. Hold on, hold on.” That was the best thing to do. He made to pull his phone out of his pocket, but Kageyama squeezed his hands closer to himself. 

“No,” he pleaded, eyes wide and wet. He was crying and Hinata’s heart shattered into a million pieces. 

“I-i just have to ri-ide it out,” Kageyama ground out through his teeth. His grip on Hinata’s hands was impossibly tight. 

“Are you insane?!” Hinata shrieked, “of course I’m going to call an ambulance!” He tugged, trying to pull his hands free. Kageyama shook his head. 

“No, H-hina--Sh-Shoyo!” he gasped and squeezed Hinata’s hands again as he pinched his eyes shut again. At the use of his first name, Hinata stopped. 

“T-tobio,” he said softly, desperately, pathetically, as tears rolled down his cheeks. The name was foreign on his tongue. He’s always wanted to call Kageyama by his given name, but not like this. His bottom lip was caught between his teeth in an attempt to stop its trembling. 

“Please just stay here,” Kageyama was clinging tightly to Hinata, viciously searching for some sort of grounding. 

“But…” 

“It’s okay, it’s passing. I’m fine. I’m okay,” he said through clenched teeth. To his credit, his breaths seemed to be coming easier and he had uncurled a bit. His iron grip on Hinata’s hands remained.

“Kageya-“ 

“It’s okay. I’m okay. Please just stay here,” he gritted out. Hinata nodded and squeezed Kageyama’s hands back.

For the next few minutes, it was tense and quiet, the only sounds in the room Kageyama’s breathing and occasional whimpers as he pushed through a series of cramps. Hinata was still crying. He didn’t think he’d stop any time soon. 

All of a sudden, Kageyama opened his eyes and looked around. He sat up slowly and Hinata got up with him. He sat beside Kageyama on the couch and stared at him expectedly. He got no response. 

“Kageyama?” Hinata squeaked. 

Kageyama jumped and turned to him. 

“Yes,” he rasped, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry Hinata,” he turned towards Hinata, his voice hoarse and shaky. He was still pale, still sweaty, but his eyes had more life in them than they’ve had for 2 days. It was only slightly relieving. Mostly overwhelming. And Hinata’s chest hurt all of a sudden. And he was overwhelmed. And Kageyama was fine now. But Hinata’s hands were shaking. And he was overwhelmed. 

“I-it’s okay,” Hinata said as he got up quickly, wiping tears from his face. His eyes were wide open and he bit his lip tightly. 

“Hinata?” Kageyama looked up at him. Hinata shook his head.

“I'm gonna go reheat the food.” He picked up the bowls of rice and walked quickly to the kitchen. He came back a minute later and silently started cleaning up the broken mugs and spilled tea. 

“Hm. That was one of my favorite mugs,” he muttered. 

“Hinata,” he winced when Kageyama said his name, but didn’t look at him. 

He tried to distract himself, he really did. The whole ordeal only lasted about 10 or 15 minutes, if that. Kageyama was fine. He was fine. He really was. He was sitting there talking, wasn't he? He looked okay. 

But he almost _wasn’t._ And then what would Hinata have done?

All of a sudden, he was crying again. He brought a hand up to his mouth to try and muffle his sobs as best as he could. The living room was not the place to do that. In front of a sick Kageyama was not the place to completely lose his cool. 

He stood up quickly, his movement almost robotic, and made his way back into the kitchen to dispose of the broken ceramic. 

Kageyama was fine. He was fine. He was okay. He was alive. 

The microwave beeped. Hinata jumped. He sank down to the ground and curled his knees to his chest. Placing his head into his knees, he closed his eyes and tried to control his breathing. 

Kageyama was fine. 

When Hinata went back out to the living room, Kageyama was once again wrapped up in the blankets, laying on his side. Hinata froze in the doorway, thinking maybe something happened, but Kageyama sat up quickly upon noticing Hinata, his eyes wide. 

“Hinata, I’m sorry. I am. I don’t know what happened. I promise I feel fine now. Almost completely better. Just a normal stomach ache like before. You don’t have to worry. I’m sorry, Hinata. I’m sor—“ 

“Bakayama,” Hinata said firmly and Kageyama shut up. He moved towards Kageyama and put a hand to his forehead. “You still have a fever,” he murmured, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.  
  
“It’s okay. Please just…” he exhaled slowly, “do you think you can eat?” Kageyama hesitantly nodded, “then please just eat and let’s watch the movie okay?” he sighed once more, sat down by Kageyama and handed him a bowl. 

“Thank you for the food,” he mumbled and started eating. Hinata turned on the tv and started the movie. 

The two of them ate in relative silence on either side of the couch while Judy Hopps and Nick Wilde tried to solve the missing mammals cases in Zootopia. 

When he finished, Hinata put his bowl on the coffee table and laid down on his side, his head on the armrest. He wasn’t really paying attention to the movie. They had watched it about 700 times already. 

Truth be told, he was still a bit shaken up. That was really scary. How could Kageyama act like nothing was wrong? Hinata thought Kageyama was going to _die_. How dare he not let Hinata call an ambulance? Sure, he was seemingly okay now, but Hinata was still worried. There was no way he wouldn’t be waiting for the other metaphorical shoe to drop until Kageyama was 110% better. 

He couldn’t lose Kageyama. He meant entirely too much to him. He hoped that Kageyama knew that. He hoped that meant just as much to Kageyama. 

The idea of losing Kageyama hurt more than anything else he could imagine. It was a big reason he didn’t act on any of his feelings. The cons outweigh the pros. 

Hinata’s thoughts were interrupted when Kageyama suddenly crawled over and laid down on top of him.

Hinata grunted and squirmed. “Get off of my you loaf,” he groaned, because as much as he loved this close proximity, he really was quite uncomfortable. “You’re too fat.”

“Shut up, Dumbass. Let me lay here,” Kageyama grunted back, wrapping his arms around Hinata’s curled up knees. Hinata blushed. 

“A-At least let me get comf-fortable,” he stuttered. Kageyama groaned dramatically and sat up. Hinata shifted so he was laying on his back and spread his legs a little bit. When he looked up at Kageyama, the other boy promptly crawled over again and laid himself on Hinata’s chest, wrapping his arms around Hinata’s waist and sighed contentedly. 

Hinata tensed. 

“Boke, relax. It’s too late to worry about keeping you from getting sick,” Kageyama mumbled without looking up (that is so not what Hinata was worried about), “plus you’re not comfy this tense.” How the hell was he supposed to calm down now?

“Kageyama are you sur--”

“Yes. Now please shut up,” he griped. Looks like they were back to clingy Kageyama. Hinata couldn’t say he minded. He relaxed, glad that the tension had cleared, and wrapped his own arms around Kageyama’s torso. 

“Do you feel okay? Was the rice gruel too much? You didn’t eat that much,” Hinata said softly as he moved his hands up and down Kageyama’s back. 

“I feel full and slightly nauseated, but no danger of vomit right now,” he mumbled as he nuzzled his face into Hinata’s chest. 

“Let me know if that changes? Do you need anything else?” 

Kageyama grunted and then said “I just need you to stop talking. Pillows don’t talk.” 

Hinata laughed, “Sure thing, Yama.” 

When the movie ended a little while later, Hinata made to get up, but Kageyama just squeezed him and groaned in protest. 

“No, don't move,” he whined, “it hurts my stomach. Just put on How I Met Your Mother or something.” 

“Fine, Bakayama,” Hinata responded and did just that. He didn’t like that Kageyama’s stomach still hurt. His fever hadn’t seemed to go down at all either. 

“Baka, let me get up just for a second. I want to take your temperature,” Hinata requested, rubbing Kageyama’s back.

“Noooo,” Kageyama groused, “I’m fine. Please just stay here. You’re warm. I don’t want to be cold.” 

Hinata bit his lip, “Please? I’m concerned. You feel warmer than you did earlier. Maybe we should go to the hospital?”

Kageyama huffed, “Hinata, I’m fine.”

“But you said your stomach still hurts. Do you still feel nauseous? Are you sure the _okayu_ wasn’t too much? Do you want more tea?” Kageyama huffed again and turned his head to look up at Hinata for the first time since he initially laid down. 

Hinata felt his face heat up immediately. 

Kageyama looked at him with the same adorable pout from earlier, his chin resting on Hinata’s chest. Hinata was absolutely certain that Kageyama couldn’t have looked any cuter than in that moment. 

It was a strange sentiment, thinking of Kageyama as “cute,” Hinata realized. Normally it was “pretty” or “hot” or “grumpy” or sometimes even “scary.” Never “cute.” But here they are. Kageyama is freaking adorable. 

“It’s getting late, Hinata,” he insisted. “I don’t feel good. I’ve been nauseous since yesterday. The _okayu_ wasn’t too much. I don’t want more tea. I don’t want to go to the hospital. We can go to the doctor in the morning if I still feel like crap. I don’t need an ambulance for something as stupid as a stomachache.” 

Hinata stared at him for a minute and nervously scanned his (beautiful, beautiful) face. He really wanted to take Kageyama to the hospital tonight. His fever had definitely gotten higher since earlier and hasn’t broken since all of this started. Plus that incident from just a few hours ago still weighed heavily in his mind, leaving him uneasy. Then again, it was almost 8:00 o’clock. He’d be fine until morning, wouldn’t he?

“Do you promise? We’ll go first thing in the morning if I think we should? You won’t argue?” 

“Sure,” Kageyama rolled his eyes. 

“And you’ll tell me if you feel worse before then?”

“Yes, yes. Whatever.”

“And if whatever happened earlier happens again, I’m allowed to call an ambulance?” Hinata asked. He couldn’t help it. He was beyond worried. He needed this final agreement and then they could spend as long as Kageyama wanted right there on the couch. But Kageyama hesitated. 

“Hinata, I really don’t think it’s nece--”

“Please, Kageyama. I felt useless earlier. I can’t help you if something like that happens again,” he urged. He could feel tears building up again, but he tried to hold them back. He didn’t want to guilt Kageyama, but it really felt like he was being ridiculous about this. 

Kageyama sighed, “Okay,” he relented, “alright, Hinata. I’m sorry. Yes. It’s fine. Call an ambulance if you really think you need to. But I’m fine okay? I promise.” He tried to be reassuring and Hinata really wanted to believe that Kageyama was fine, but something just didn’t feel right. 

“Thank you,” he breathed and hugged Kageyama tightly. 

“Yeah yeah, sure,” Kageyama rushed. Hinata could’ve sworn his face got redder, but who can say when he’s been perpetually flushed since his fever started? (He totally blushed!)

Kageyama turned his head back towards the TV. “Now put on How I Met Your Mother.”

“Yessir,” Hinata laughed. 

“And do that thing you did earlier with my hair.” 

“Of course, Yama. Anything for you.” Hinata smiled and began running his fingers through Kageyama’s hair again. 

And that’s how they remained for a few hours. Kageyama fell asleep within the first hour, and Hinata (after checking Kageyama’s fever and breathing periodically) eventually relaxed enough to fall asleep as well. 

The peace didn’t last too long though because fever-ridden Kageyama plus two blankets equals one sweaty Hinata. He tried to shift, just a little, but Kageyama whimpered at the movement, so Hinata couldn’t really bring himself to move much more. He reached as gently as he could for his phone on the coffee table to check the time. 12:00 am. 

After a brief debate with himself, he decided they should go to their rooms. He didn’t want to get up because, despite the heat, this was the closest Kageyama had been to him and he wanted to stay that way. But he also knew that Kageyama would feel better if he slept in an actual bed. 

“Kageyama,” he whispered, running his fingers through his hair again. Kageyama’s face scrunched up endearingly at the disturbance and he grumbled. 

“Hey, wake up. Let’s go to our rooms,” Hinata shook him a bit. At that, Kageyama hissed and curled in a little on himself. 

“Kageyama? Are you okay? What’s happening?” 

After a second of breathing whatever pain he felt, Kageyama grunted. 

“I’m fine. My stomach still hurts is all,” he turned his head to look at Hinata. “What’s going on? Why are we on the couch? Wasn’t I in the bathroom?”

Concern immediately washed over Hinata like a bucket of cold water and he studied Kageyama’s face. His eyes had glazed over in fever, bright and unfocused. He looked paler than before and sweat clung to every inch of his face. On top of all that, how did he not remember coming to the couch? 

“No. Kageyama we’ve been on the couch for a while now. I came home and made you move? You know that,” Hinata explained, voice slightly high pitched as panic attempted to halt him in his tracks. Kageyama looked at him for a second and then squeezed his eyes shut. 

“Right yes. We watched Zootopia and ate _okayu,”_ he said, breathless. 

Hinata nodded and reached up with a hand to feel for a temperature again. He had to refrain from pulling back in shock at how warm Kageyama felt.

“Yama, you’re burning up. Please. Let’s go to the hospital.” Hinata gnawed at his bottom lip. He was sounding pretty whiny himself, but the nagging feeling that something was wrong was almost overwhelming any common sense he had at that point. 

“Hinata—“ Kageyama began to protest, sitting up a bit, but Hinata cut him off. 

“Please, Kageyama,” He squeezed Kageyama tightly and Kageyama hissed in pain again. 

“Something is seriously wrong. Your stomach has been hurting for over two days now, but you haven’t thrown up or anything and now it hurts to touch and move and your fever is _so high_ Kageyama. I can tell that without a thermometer. _Please stop_ trying to be strong and just let me take you to the hospital,” Hinata was not ashamed of his begging at this point. He finished his rant and could tell he was on the verge of tears. Who cares if Kageyama only went because he felt guilty? Anxiety had seized Hinata and his instincts told him they needed to go to the hospital. 

Kageyama stared at him for a second, fever-hazed eyes trying to register what Hinata was talking about. 

Then he nodded and Hinata breathed out a sigh of relief. 

“Thank you. Thank you,” he leaned up to put his forehead against Kageyama’s, his fever (yes, definitely his fever) making Hinata’s own face heat up. “Let’s go get ready. It’s pretty chilly outside and I don’t want you to get worse. I’ll call a cab while you go get a sweater on, okay?” Kageyama nodded again and Hinata eased both of them into a sitting position. His brow scrunched when Kageyama groaned in pain as they moved. They sat there for a second as he waited for Kageyama to catch his breath before he tried to get him standing. 

“C-can you g-get my c-clothes?” Kageyama’s voice shook. He hadn’t looked up since Hinata got him sitting up. 

“Of course. Yes. I’ll be right back. Call me if you need me,” Hinata rushed and got up. He walked quickly to Kageyama’s room. 

After grabbing Kageyama’s favorite sweatshirt and beanie, he made his way to his own room and cursed himself for not cleaning his room earlier. There was no way he was going to find his sweatshirt and a hat in there. Just as he was rifling through his things, he heard something that made his blood go cold. 

“H-hinata.” 

He whipped around and found Kageyama leaning heavily against the doorway, one arm across his stomach, the other supporting him. Even in the dim light, he was impossibly pale, panting, dripping with sweat and visibly shaking. Hinata ran towards him and grabbed him just as his knees gave in and he collapsed with a cry of pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've spent EONS ON THIS STORY. THANK GOODNESS ITS FINALLY OUT IN THE WORLD. 
> 
> I have the whole thing written already, so I'll probably upload them once a week or so ;) just wanna leave a little bit of a cliff hanger.
> 
> Also if someone wants to draw me cuddly Kageyama I would totally commission you <3
> 
> Thank you for reading! Comments and kudos always appreciated! Follow me on twitter if you want :) I'm always down to chat. @/no_ideaactually


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The climax of the story dun! dun! dun!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***TRIGGER WARNINGS**** for anxiety attacks, puke, and dissociation. 
> 
> Once again, I don't have much experience with dissociation or hard core anxiety attacks. If I've misrepresented something, please let me know! I did my research and I tried to represent it as best as I could, but any (positive) feedback is welcome!

“Kageyama?! Kageyama? What’s going on? Is it happening again?” Kageyama shook his head. 

“N-no, this is different. It j-just hurt-ts. It _hurts_ , Hinata,” his sobbed, voice slurred and golly gee when he whimpered his name, Hinata could’ve sworn his heart stopped. 

This was another version of Kageyama. One he didn’t care to know. One he didn’t care to see. But damn it all if he wasn’t going to take care of this version too. 

This was _not_ going to be a repeat of earlier. He was going to help his best friend. He took a deep breath and eased the two of them down to sit against the wall outside of Hinata’s room. 

“Okay. Don’t worry, I have you. I’m going to call an ambulance, Yama. Okay? Just hold on,” his voice was firm, if only a little shaky. Kageyama nodded ever so slightly and leaned into his shoulder. Hinata could feel the heat radiating off of him before he even touched him. He pushed the anxiety back. 

He dialed 119 and waited for the operator. In the meantime, he wrapped an arm around Kageyama’s shoulders and pulled him close. Kageyama nuzzled his face into Hinata’s neck. Every few seconds he would tense up in pain and groan. 

“119, what is your emergency?” The operator picked up quickly and Hinata took a big breath before giving her a brief summary of the situation. 

The emergency operator had a nice, calm, voice and she asked him a lot of questions, most of which he could answer. She got straight to business, but was still sympathetic. It calmed some of Hinata’s nerves. Everything would be fine. He could do this. 

“Is the person conscious?” At that, Hinata tensed. Was Kageyama still conscious? 

“Yama? You still with me?” he asked gently. He got a terse nod in response. 

“Yes. He’s conscious,” Hinata responded to the nice lady on the phone. 

“Okay. Emergency dispatch is on their way. Please stay on the line until they arrive,” she continued on with her business-like tone. 

“Thank you,” he said to the woman before turning to Kageyama. “Ambulance is on their way, Yama. Just hang on, okay?” Kageyama nodded again. 

He was getting more dazed by the second and it freaked Hinata out. This was probably the most terrifying thing he had been through, so he couldn’t imagine how Kageyama was feeling.

Kageyama sat up suddenly, eyes blown wide, lips pressed in a tight line, breath increasing. 

“Kageyama?” Hinata asked, startled at the sudden movement from the previously lifeless boy. Was this like before? Did the pain stop? Hinata didn’t really care. They were going to the hospital, even if he had to drag Kageyama there. 

“Gonna puke,” he brought the back of his hand up to his mouth. 

“Whoa, okay, uh,” Hinata sat up a little straighter and put one hand on Kageyama’s back, the other putting his phone on speaker and placing it beside him. “That’s okay, Yama. Do whatever you need to do. We’ll clean it up later,” he coaxed as he started rubbing up and down his best friend’s back, trying to offer some sort of relief. 

“N-no, I d-don’t—“ Kageyama began, but was cut off with a body-shuddering gag. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Hinata soothed as Kageyama kept trying to suppress his nausea. This was a disaster. A tragedy. Utterly traumatic. For both of them. 

Kageyama shook his head quickly. He was facing down over his own lap, eyes squeezed shut tightly. 

“It’s okay, I’m here,” Hinata soothed, and Kageyama grabbed onto Hinata’s leg next to his own. Hinata pried Kageyama’s hand off his thigh and Kageyama whimpered, but Hinata quickly grabbed his hand. Kageyama squeezed. _Hard._

“Just let it happen, Yama. It might help.” Kageyama shook his head again. 

“Don’t,” he was interrupted by a moaning gag and Hinata squeezed his hand, “wanna,” he finished. 

“I know. Throwing up is the worst. But it’s okay. I got you, okay? I’m here. I won’t let anything happen to you,” Hinata tried to soothe. Kageyama looked up at Hinata and his heart dropped to his toes. 

The flush still painted Kageyama’s pale cheeks and his mouth was set in a tight line. But his eyes are what grabbed Hinata’s very soul and _squeezed._ Kageyama’s clear, once confident and determined (gorgeous, a glorious ocean) eyes were hazed over and… scared. He looked utterly terrified. 

“Yama,” Hinata choked and pulled Kageyama into his chest, his arms securely around Kageyama’s shoulders, the sick boy’s head tucked under Hinata’s chin. 

“Everything’s going to be okay. I know it’s scary. I won’t let anything happen to you, I promise. I’m not going anywhere,” he whispered into his hair. It was gentle and calm and as reassuring as he could be for the guy he loved. He’s never seen that look in Kageyama’s eyes and he hopes he never has to see it again. 

Kageyama nodded against Hinata’s chest and nuzzled into it, significantly calmer, until he pushed Hinata off weakly, and gagged again, making Hinata wince. 

“Ambulance should be there soon,” the emergency operator said, startling Hinata. 

“Hear that? It’s okay. It’s okay,” he rubbed up and down Kageyama’s back again, trying to convey his support through the soft motions. _I’m here. Please. You’re okay_. 

Kageyama was shaking with the effort of trying to keep his nausea at bay. 

They sat there for a few more minutes, Hinata still trying to coax Kageyama into relaxing and letting whatever needed to happen, happen, before there was a knock at the door and Hinata made to get up. Kageyama tugged his hand and tried to pull him back down. 

“I’ll be right back, Yama. That’s the medics. I have to let them into the apartment,” Hinata reassured, trying not to let Kageyama’s wide, scared eyes get to him. The tears rolling down his cheeks were making it difficult. He had half a mind to let the medics break down their door if it meant not leaving kageyama. 

Hinata got to the door and began unlocking it, but right as he opened it and was about to guide the medics to Kageyama, he heard a disheartening wretch, followed by a hollow splash from the hallway and sprinted back the short distance to Kageyama. 

He froze upon seeing Kageyama, his back still to the wall, but his head hanging limply as he threw up on himself. Hinata knelt down in front of him and put a hand on his shoulder. 

Kageyama jolted and slowly lifted his head to look at him, pain written in every part of his face, from the trembling of his mouth to his eyebrows scrunched tightly together. 

“You’re okay, you’re okay,” Hinata soothed. He wasn’t there. He wasn’t there for him. He should’ve just let the medics— when did they get behind Hinata?— break down their door. 

“Y-you w-weren’t— and I-I couldn’t—“ Kageyama slurred; he was still crying. 

“I know. I’m sorry. I’m _sorry,”_ Hinata was trying not to let his heart break more. This was a Kageyama he really wished he had never met. Kageyama looked behind them at the medics and then back at Hinata. Hinata was once again stopped by the look in his (wonderful, amazing) eyes. 

What was once fear was replaced by...confusion? Kageyama looked extremely dazed and unaware, his eyes not focusing on Hinata. He dropped his head down again and belched once before a gush of vomit poured out of his mouth with seemingly little effort. 

“Yama?” Hinata whimpered. 

“Sir, we need to get your friend to the hospital, now” one of the medics said, placing a hand on Hinata’s shoulder. Hinata nodded, not taking his eyes off Kageyama. 

The next few minutes and the 15 minute ride to the hospital were blurry chaos for Hinata. Kageyama got a brief reprieve from his stomach, but his head was still hung limply on his shoulders and he was mumbling—whining, whimpering— incoherently under his breath. When Hinata got up to let the paramedics take over, Kageyama, through his haze, reached out and grabbed Hinata’s hand. They stayed together as the medics worked to get Kageyama on a gurney and situated him with a blue plastic hospital vomit bag. He started dry heaving when the paramedics started moving him, Hinata’s hand still in his concerningly weak grasp. 

Once in the ambulance Hinata vaguely remembers the medics asking a bunch of questions about Kageyama’s symptoms as they triaged his friend, Hinata answering to the best of his abilities. He kind of registered them saying that Kageyama’s temperature had gotten up to 40.1 Celsius (104.2 F). He somewhat recalls Kageyama squeezing his hand when a particularly large cramp rolled through his body or when he would start vomiting again. 

Everything snapped back into clarity when they got to the hospital. 

When they entered the emergency room, they were immediately swarmed by physicians and nurses speaking a lot of medical jargon that went over Hinata’s head. They were carted into a much smaller room with a lot of complicated and scary looking medical equipment. The medical staff all started poking and prodding at Kageyama, who had been worryingly incoherent up until he was surrounded by unfamiliar people. Something must have clicked in his lethargic brain to let him know he did not like what was happening and he whined so quietly that Hinata was sure he was the only one who heard him. He looked away from the medical staff to look at Kageyama only to find that the other boy was already peering up at him.

At some point, an oxygen mask has been placed over his nose and mouth and an IV put in his arm. Hinata had been trying to listen to the paramedics relay Kageyama’s symptoms to the doctors but he immediately tuned them out when he saw Kageyama’s face. 

Fear painted every single one of his (beautiful, flawless) features and Hinata would have given his entire right leg and his ability to spike with it in that moment so that he could switch places with Kageyama.

Kageyama who was always a strong, sturdy, constant presence in Hinata’s life. Kageyama who helped Hinata through pre-game jitters, bad panic attacks, and more anxiety induced nightmares than he cared to admit. Kageyama who’s been there through all the times Hinata’s brain and body get the best of him because he’s overworked himself again. 

Kageyama who is simply the best thing to ever happen to Hinata. 

Kageyama who Hinata loves with every single part of himself.

But he couldn’t. He couldn’t switch places with Kageyama no matter how many gods he may pray to. So he did the next best thing. He smiled gently and squeezed Kageyama’s hand. 

“It’s okay, Yama. They’ll make you feel all better. I’ll be here the whole time.” 

Kageyama was crying again, though Hinata was sure the other boy hadn’t noticed. His fever was so high and he’d thrown up so much on the way there that his skin had taken on an ashy, almost grey, color, aside from the remaining flush of his cheeks. 

Hinata wasn’t even sure that Kageyama heard him. He was about to lean down to speak closer to Kageyama’s ear when someone put a hand on his shoulder. 

“I’m sorry, young man, you need to leave,” it was a nurse. A kind looking man wearing purple scrubs with little kitties all over. He started lightly pushing Hinata towards the door, but Kageyama ever so slightly squeezed Hinata’s hand. 

“No, please.” He didn’t want to argue with the nurse. He knew he was just trying to help. But his desire to stay with Kageyama outweighed any politeness he had. 

“I understand, but you can’t be in here anymore. Someone will take you to the waiting room while he’s in surgery,” the nurse remained calm, but Hinata could tell there was urgency behind his words. 

“Surgery?” Hinata said, wide-eyed and looked down to Kageyama. He was pale and sweaty, his eyes half closed, the oxygen mask fogging with his breathy pants. The nurse continued to try and separate the two and Kageyama weakly tugged and whimpered. Hinata’s very soul shattered at the pleading and terror evident in Kageyama’s eyes. 

“Yes. I’m sorry. Someone will come with you and explain.” 

“N-no, pl-please,” Hinata was not leaving. He was staying. He would scrub up and hold Kageyama’s hand through surgery if it meant Kageyama wouldn’t be afraid anymore. 

“Sir, please,” there was another nurse beside Hinata now, her own small hand resting on the boys’ joined hands, a signal that she would use force if necessary. The nurse in the cat scrubs continued to firmly push Hinata’s shoulders. 

“He’ll be okay,” the other nurse said. This one was an older woman with kind green—green wow, that was even rarer than Kageyama’s blue— eyes and a reassuring smile. Hinata looked at her and the man pushing him and after a brief moment, nodded and let the female nurse lead him out of the room. 

“Sh-Shoyo,” he heard the desperate plea and looked back to Kageyama’s confused, hurt, sad, watery, pale, flushed, _beautiful,_ face. He tried his best to look back reassuringly. 

His heart only shattered a little when the door closed. 

The lady nurse was nice enough. She led a dazed Hinata to a waiting room outside of the recovery wing, chatting with him the whole time, trying to be supportive. 

“Ma’am,” Hinata interrupted her story about her dog, “what’s wrong with Kageyama?” 

“Are you ready to hear it sweetie? Do you think you’re calmer? You’ve been shaking this whole time,” she said, giving him a sympathetic look. It was then that Hinata realized he’d been following behind her, clinging to the back of her pink puppy dog scrubs. He released his hold and flushed. She smiled and led him to a seat. 

“I’ll get you some water and then I’ll tell you what’s going on, okay?” 

Hinata nodded. 

When she came back, she explained that Kageyama had appendicitis and that’s what had been causing his stomach ache and fever for the past few days. Hinata felt terrible. He hadn’t even thought of that as a possibility. He felt a little relieved at first though. Noya had appendicitis their second year and he was up and moving within a few days, even though he was barred from volleyball for a while. But he wasn’t as bad as Kageyama? 

“I’m sorry ma’am, if it’s just appendicitis, why did he get so sick?” 

“Well...“ she looked at him.

“Shoyo,” he supplied her. 

“Shoyo-kun,” she smiled and reached for his hand where it was resting on his lap, “the problem is that your friend’s appendix burst and caused what’s called peritonitis, which is a very serious infection,” Hinata felt himself pale, “that’s why he was immediately taken into surgery. They have to clean up his insides and remove the burst appendix,” she squeezed his hand. Hinata was dizzy. He was nauseous. How could he have let it get so bad? He should have trusted his instincts sooner. They haven’t failed him before. 

“He’ll be okay, Shoyo-kun, you called the ambulance at the right time. You probably saved his life,” she soothed. He nodded. 

“Do you have his parent’s numbers? Is there someone you can call for yourself?” she asked, still holding his hand. He shook his head and explained that Kageyama’s parents were overseas and that he was Kageyama’s emergency contact, but he had friends in Tokyo he could call. He would reach out to both of their parents in the morning. She asked if he wanted her to wait with him for his friends. He shook his head. He’d be fine alone. She nodded and squeezed his hand. 

“I’ll be right over there if you need me,” she pointed to the nurses station, “You did good, Shoyo-kun. Your friend will be okay, thanks to you,” she finished before she got up to leave, giving his hand one last squeeze. 

Hinata knew she meant to make him feel better, but his anxiety was now taking over. Kageyama could have _died._

Fear began clawing at his chest, making his heart race. He staved it off as best he could. He would allow himself to freak out after he let someone know what was going on. 

He knew a lot of people in Tokyo, but it was nearly 2:00 the morning and he didn’t want to bother any of them. His mom and Natsu were still in Miyagi, so he ruled them out. It 4:00 in the morning for Kageyama’s parents in Sydney, so he’d call them in a couple of hours. 

Who could he call? He needed someone to be there. Anyone. His anxiety was only increasing. The panic attack he was fighting against was only making his chest hurt worse and his hands shake harder. Who was in Tokyo? 

Finally, _finally_ , he settled on someone. As he pulled out his phone and dialed the number, tears made his eyes sting and the lump in his throat was incredibly prevalent. 

“Hinata?” came the sleepy voice on the other line. 

“T-Tanaka-san,” his voice shook as he tried to greet his upperclassman. 

“Hinata? What’s wrong? Are you okay? Why are you calli—yeah, it’s Hinata,” Tanaka said to someone in the background. 

At this point, Hinata’s panic attack was really pushing to break through his forced calm. 

“Hinata? Breath. Tell me what’s wrong,” Tanaka soothed. He was at a university not far from the hospital and the one most likely to answer his phone, always the supportive senpai. 

Hinata tried to take a deep breath, “I-I’m at T-tokyo General. Kageyama—he— I—uh— surgery,” he clutched his sweatshirt, right over his racing heart, and curled forward a little. 

“Kageyama’s in surgery?” Tanaka asked calmly before he started talking to the other person with him again, “yeah go get our coats please, babe,” Hinata heard through his haze. 

“P-please. I’m s-sorry, Tana-Tanaka— c-can,” he squeezed his eyes shut, breathless, “come? Please? I— I'm sorry. I-i nee-eed,” words were really hard. Hinata’s anxiety meds had long worn off at this point and he had left them at the apartment of course. 

“Hinata, don’t apologize. Of course. We’re coming. We’re on our way. Just breathe. We’ll be there soon. Breathe, kid,” Tanaka said. Hinata nodded, he couldn’t do much else at that point. He did somehow manage to stutter out slowly to Tanaka what part of the hospital he was in before Tanaka promised he’d be there in 10 minutes and hung up. 

By the time Tanaka had gotten there, Hinata was in full panic mode. Tanaka found him sitting in the waiting room, knees pulled up to his chest, trying to stifle his sobs as best he could, his whole body heaving and shaking with the effort. Hinata’s forehead was resting on his knees, sweatshirt hood pulled over his head. His hands disappeared underneath it, no doubt clinging to the top of his head, trying to find some sort of grounding. An older lady, clearly a nurse, was sitting beside him. She wasn’t trying to calm him down or speak to him; she had a hand on his back. It made Tanaka feel a little better about hanging up on him earlier. 

Tanaka immediately ran over and pulled Hinata into his chest—this wasn’t the first Hinata Panic he’d been through— and counted his breaths out loud. The nurse left after a second, Tanaka reassuring her that, yes, they knew Hinata, and yes, they knew how to handle his anxiety attacks. 

At first, Hinata only cried harder. 

Hinata was in _pain._ His chest _hurt_ . How could he have been so stupid? He should’ve just forced Kageyama to the hospital earlier. He should’ve thought. He was so stupid. Stupid thoughtless Hinata. Always so stupid. Always. Always. Always. Kageyama almost _died_ and he could have prevented all of this if he had realized sooner. Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid. This was his fault. All his fault. 

“Hey, hey. Hinata, you have to calm down,” he vaguely registered Tanaka’s rough, but somehow comforting, voice above his head. “Whatever’s happening, it’s not your fault. You’re not stupid,” Tanaka rubbed up and down his arms. Of course Hinata was talking out loud. 

But somewhere in his panic-fueled thoughts, he knew Tanaka was right. Falling apart like this wasn’t helping Kageyama. Kageyama needed him to be strong. So he would be. Kageyama was always strong for Hinata. Hinata could hold it together for Kageyama too. 

So he listened to Tanaka count his breaths. He tried to match them. He counted to himself. _1...in, 2...out, 3...in, 4...out, and repeat._

Once he calmed down enough, Hinata released his grip on Tanaka’s jacket (when had he done that?) and pulled back to look at his senpai. 

“There he is,” Tanaka smiled, ruffling Hinata’s hair. Hinata smiled and rubbed the tear stains off his face. 

“You think you can tell us what’s happening now?” He heard from behind him and turned in his chair to find Ennoshita sitting there. 

What? Hinata stared blankly at Ennoshita for a second, blinking. Then to Tanaka. Back to Ennoshita. Then to Tanaka. His eyes blew wide. 

“Are you guys—“

“Yeah. Yes. It’s a pretty recent thing. We haven’t really told anyone,” Ennoshita blushed. 

“Oh! Well that’s awesome!! I’m so happy for you guys!!” Hinata giggled, and both of the older boys breathed a sigh of relief at the sign of the Hinata they knew. 

“Thanks, Hinata,” Tanaka smiles, “Now, what’s wrong with Kageyama?” 

Hinata deflated. _Right. They were at a hospital because Hinata was a bad friend._

He explained the situation to his upperclassmen and they listened carefully, allowing Hinata to take his time and pause when he needed to quell his panic.

“I’ll go call Suga. He’d want to be here as well,” Ennoshita said when Hinata finished. He got up and pulled out his phone, walking a little way down the hall. 

“It’ll be okay, Hinata,” Tanaka placed his hand over Hinata’s shaking ones (when did they start shaking again? Did they ever stop?), “you heard the nurse.” 

Hinata nodded, “yeah. Now we just wait.” 

And so they did. For another 30 minutes. Hinata’s anxiety was growing again. It had already been over an hour. Noya’s appendectomy didn’t take that long. Granted he didn’t have the same complications. But it still shouldn’t take this long. Right? What if something was wrong? 

Hinata _needed Kageyama to be okay._ If anything, this whole experience just reinforced how much Hinata loved Kageyama. He should’ve been more attentive. He should’ve been more present. Tested his symptoms more. He _failed_ Kageyama. Kageyama was always there for him. And he _failed_ to do the same. 

Kageyama was the first one to notice that he had a fever during their first year at Nationals. He was also the only one to notice that Hinata hurt his ankle during one of their games against Aoba Johsai during their second year. He was the only one who Hinata felt comfortable enough to cry in front of when they lost Nationals their third year. 

Kageyama had become the only one (let alone the one to actually _understand)_ that Hinata let into his head to see the rapid-fire, disjointed, sometimes twisted and sad, thoughts and feelings. The only one to accept them and try to help Hinata sort through them and cover for him when his brain left the rest of him in the dust or caused him to make a lot of stupid, silly mistakes. 

And only Hinata knows this caring side of Kageyama. Only Hinata knows his vulnerable side. Only Hinata knows his true smile and his heart-warming laugh. _Oh my gosh his_ laugh. 

Everyone calls Hinata the sun, but he swears that the first time he made Kageyama truly laugh, Kageyama shined so bright he swallowed up Hinata completely. He thinks that was the moment that he realized he wanted to be more than just friends with Kageyama. 

And now, well now Hinata’s own stupidity and inattentiveness has caused that sunshine to diminish significantly. He was pretty sure Kageyama didn’t return his feelings before and how could he now? Kageyama was so attentive to Hinata’s needs. The one time Hinata had the chance to be that for Kageyama, he had failed tremendously. 

Hinata was pulled from his thoughts when Ennoshita, who Hinata didn’t even notice had gotten back, put a hand on his shoulder and pointed to the nurse calling Hinata over. 

Standing a few feet away, near the bathroom, was the same nice lady from before, and something about the look on her face as Hinata made his way over to her made the pit in his stomach even more hollow. 

“Yes, ma’am?” He swallowed and she smiled gently at him. 

“I just wanted to give you an update on your friend, sweetie. There were some complications with his surgery—“ 

“C-complications? B-ut isn’t this a standard procedure? Is he okay? What happened? I thought that—“ 

“Hinata,” Tanaka appeared behind him and put a reassuring hand on his back, “let her finish, bruh.” Hinata nodded. 

“He’s fine. The doctor’s were almost finished when your friend’s fever started to rise. It got to about 40.5 (105 F),” she continued but Hinata couldn’t really hear her. His heart started pounding in his ears again and he felt himself pale. Was the nurse still talking? He wasn’t sure. All of a sudden, nothing felt really anymore. 

He vaguely registered a pressure around his shoulders that stopped the swaying. 

“Yeah. We know what to do,” a fairly familiar voice said. It sounded distant though, as though he was hearing it from underwater. 

Something was moving his legs. Was it him? 

He was sitting again. 

“It’s best to just let him work through it, Chikara,” he heard probably-Tanaka say. Was he talking about Hinata? Work through what? He wasn’t the one suffering right now. 

Time ticked on and each second felt like the most excruciating hour of Hinata’s life. Kageyama’s sickly, terrified face was permanently projected on the inside of his head. Was he okay? When was Hinata going to be able to see him? _Will_ Hinata see him again? 

Some part of his brain told him that Tanaka had all the answers to those questions, but that part of his brain was being beaten down by the big bully that was his anxiety. 

Kageyama was his whole world, even if the other boy didn’t realize it. Right now, it felt like someone had decided to wrench his world out of his arms and no matter how much he held on to it, someone decided to make it difficult because Hinata didn’t take care of it, so it should go to someone else. Right? 

“Hinata,” a soft voice pounded in his head. His body jolted. 

“Hey, Hinata look at me, buddy.” 

Look at who? What was he looking at anyway. His felt his neck move. A pair of small hands appeared in front of him, pale and trembling. 

“Hands,” he croaked. His tongue was heavy in his mouth. 

“Yeah. Hands. Who’s hands are they?” The quiet voice echoed achingly in his ears. 

“Mine?” 

“Yeah. Exactly right. Can you tell me what they look like?” Air blew past his face. Someone breathing? No. Sighing. Exhaling. 

“They’re shaking.” 

An arm was placed in his hands. They were _his_ hands. 

“What does my sweater feel like?” The arm moved back and forth. Was that Suga? 

“Your sweater?” The fingers— his fingers pinched the material of the sweater in the ha— _his_ hands.

“Yeah,” another cool puff of air. 

“It’s soft.” 

“Yes. Yes,” an apprehensive laugh made him wince. 

“Can you take some deep breaths, Hinata?” 

_Oh,_ he realized suddenly, _I dissociated._

“This is my body,” He inhaled slowly. “I am in control.” He exhaled slowly. “I am safe.” He inhaled. “This is Suga talking to me, right?” He exhaled 

“Yes, this is Suga,” he recognized Suga’s gentle voice now. It didn’t shake his insides anymore, he realized. His shoulders relaxed. 

He blinked and everything slowly came back into clarity. 

“Sorry,” he muttered and unclenched his jaw. He looked down again and saw his hands squeezing Suga’s arm tightly. 

“I’m gonna move my arm now, okay?” Hinata nodded. “Can I touch you?” 

Hinata studied Suga’s face; his warm eyes, evident concern shining through the facade of confidence. He nodded. 

Soon enough, Hinata was enveloped in Suga’s arms, his head pulled into his senior’s chest. His sweater smelled like clean laundry and Hinata sighed.

“How long was he been like that?” Suga asked Tanaka above him. 

“Only about 10 minutes before you got here. So about 15 total. We figured it might be safer to wait for you,” Ennoshita responded. 

Only 15 minutes? 

Sugar squeezed a little tighter, and Hinata relaxed further, the pressure setting his nerves at ease. 

Once he’d fully collected himself, he pulled out of the hug. Suga was already in full mom mode, as evident by the fact that he immediately cupped Hinata’s cheeks in his warm hands and wiped the tears away (Hinata didn’t realize that he was crying). 

“Are you okay? It’s been a while since that happened, huh?” he asked, staring directly into Hinata’s eyes, concern evident all over his face. Hinata nodded. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m sorry,” he muttered, sniffing. Suga smiled. 

“It’s okay, Hinata. It’s fine,” he leaned forward encasing Hinata again. He melted into the embrace. Suga’s hugs were the best. They always had a way of reminding Hinata that things would eventually be okay again. 

“How’s Kageyama?” Hinata asked after a minute, pulling away from Suga again. 

“He’s going to be fine, Hinata,” Ennoshita said from behind him, putting a hand on his shoulder. Hinata turned and smiled at him. Ennoshita returned the gesture and Hinata warmed further. 

Honestly, he had no idea what he would do if he had never gone to Karasuno. His team was his second family.

Taking a deep breath, he turned to Tanaka and asked him about what the nurse had said to them. Tanaka looked at him hesitantly for a minute, but after a moment, sighed and began explaining. (Hinata was grateful he didn’t ask if he was okay, because he probably would’ve started crying again). 

“Simple story is that it turns out he was allergic to the anesthesia. Guess he’d never gotten surgery before, so they didn’t know,” he said and took a breath, “that’s what made his fever rise.” 

Hinata’s anxiety calmed some. At least that was out of anyone’s control. 

“They took care of it though,” Suga reassured. “He’ll be fine. They’re going to come get us when it’s okay to go see him.” Hinata nodded. 

A tense quiet settled over the four. Hinata knew what was coming. He wished he could avoid it, but he knew he couldn’t. Especially now that Suga was getting a license in clinical psychology. 

“Wanna talk about what happened?” It was a tentative question, leaving Hinata plenty of room to decline. Tanaka, Ennoshita, and Suga were usually the ones to help Hinata back in high school. They knew when to press. They knew this was not the time. He unclenched his jaw again and exhaled quickly. 

“I just feel like it’s my fault that we’re here. And like why do I even deserve to have Kageyama in my life, ya know?” 

“It’s not your fault, Hinata,” Tanaka said, putting a hand on his knee. Hinata tensed. 

“But I should’ve paid more attention. He’d been complaining of a stomach ache for days,” Hinata started, his chest squeezing again. 

Tanaka scoffed. “Kid, breathe,” he gently squeezed Hinata’s knee, “C’mon, you couldn’t have predicted anything would come of it, bruh. People get stomach aches all the time,” and of course Hinata knew that. 

“I just,” Hinata started, “he’s always there for me, ya know? He probably would’ve noticed something was wrong with me.” He was trying really hard to keep his anxiety at bay, but the idea of losing Kageyama and on top of that, it being Hinata’s fault was a heavy load to bear.

“That’s not necessarily true, Hinata,” Suga was rubbing his back. 

“I can’t— I cant lose him, ya know? He’s my best friend. I—,” he took in a shuddering breath and looked down, not wanting to see any of his friends at the moment. 

“I love him,” he finally said. It was the first time he had admitted it out loud. It felt great and terrifying and relieving. 

It was silent for a few moments. Hinata, now becoming anxious over the fact that maybe his friends would think he was stupid or weird. Maybe they already knew that Kageyama didn’t love Hinata. 

“We know,” Suga finally said and Hinata’s head shot up. He stared at his three upperclassmen in shock for a second before they all started laughing. 

“It’s been pretty obvious for a while, Hinata,” Ennoshita chuckled. 

“Yeah,” Tanaka interjected, “I remember talking about it with the team after Nationals my second year. He had gone to check on you while you were sleeping.” 

“But how did you— I didn’t even know then?” Hinata tilted his head, eyebrows furrowed. 

“Really?” Suga laughed again. Hinata couldn’t believe this. How could they have known before him?

“Yes!” he said, throwing his hands up in the air and falling back in his chair, flabbergasted. 

Tanaka threw an arm around his shoulder, “That’s okay man. You weren’t ready. We’re glad you finally are.” They were all smiling at him. To be honest, Hinata was relieved. He felt validated. It wasn’t foolish or stupid or weird to love Kageyama. 

The relief only lasted for a minute though, because not soon after, his three senpai picked on various times his love for Kageyama was more than obvious. Hinata’s face flushed and he was deeply embarrassed, but he also felt good. Less stressed. Once again, he was so thankful for his team. He was glad the tension had broken. 

“Shoyo-kun?” their giggles were interrupted by the nurse that had been giving them updates. Hinata stood up and walked over to her, gesturing to the other three that they could stay in their seats. 

Nerves danced up and down his arms. What if she told him something else had gone wrong? She looked peaceful enough though. That had to mean he was okay right? Or maybe it meant that something really bad happened and she was trying to be gentle in delivering the news? 

“Yes ma’am?” he choked, stopping in front of her. She smiled and Hinata felt marginally better. 

“Kageyama-kun is out of surgery,” she said and Hinata let out a huge sigh in relief, “they’ve brought his fever out of the danger zone and taken him to the recovery unit. He’s still got a bit of a fever and his body will need time to recover. It was really tested through this whole ordeal. Thankfully, your friend is very healthy at a baseline and he should make a smooth recovery. Regardless, they would like him to stay in the hospital for a few days to monitor him. I can take you t--oh,” she was cut off when Hinata threw her arms around her shoulders. He couldn’t help it; he was so relieved. 

He realized what he had done, and was about to pull back when he felt her wrap her own arms around his waist. 

“Thank you,” he whispered. 

“I’m glad you have such good friends, Shoyo-kun,” she responded. He squeezed a bit tighter before pulling back, nodding. 

“Me too.” 

After that, he went back over to the other three and told them Kageyama would be okay and that they could go see him. The nurse, whose name they had learned was Akasuki, led them to Kageyama’s room and told them he should wake up soon. 

She left them, but Hinata didn’t enter the room until Suga gave him a bit of a push. Once he was inside he felt both reassured and distressed.

Kageyama’s setup was to be expected; white sheets, hooked up through IVs to various beeping machines that Hinata had no idea what to call, let alone what they were used for. What stopped Hinata, was Kageyama himself. 

Pale, he expected. Sleeping, sure. What he didn’t expect was how...fragile Kageyama looked. “Fragile” was not a word that Hinata would ever in his life associate with Kageyama. Heck, for years, Kageyama was his biggest rival. No way he’d ever look at Kageyama and think “man, what a fragile looking guy.” 

But right now, hooked up to these machines and sleeping in a hospital bed, Kageyama looked like he would shatter at the slightest touch. And it made Hinata hurt all over again. 

Once again, he must’ve been pretty obvious, because Ennoshita put a hand on his lower back and gently took him over to the chair beside the bed. He sat Hinata down, and went to sit beside Tanaka, who had taken up residence on the window seat. Suga pulled up a chair and sat down with Hinata. 

“He’s fine, Hinata,” he reminded quietly. Hinata nodded back. 

“I-i know. I know that. Yes. He’s fine,” he took a deep breath, “but he looks so small. I hate it. I hate that it was my fault.” Suga reached over and took Hinata’s hand. 

“It’s not your fault,” he affirmed. 

Hinata fiddled with his fingers. “I don’t deserve to love him, honestly.”

“What makes you think that?” Suga asked quietly. A part of Hinata didn’t appreciate being used as practice for Suga’s future clients. The other part though, knew that Suga was always like this and Hinata wouldn’t want it any other way. 

Hinata shifted in his seat. “He always takes such good care of me. He packs me bentos because I’m too poor to buy lunch and too thoughtless to remember to pack one. He also makes sure that I’m awake for class, and that I make it to practice and my shifts at the coffeehouse on time.” He bit his lip and shook his head. He felt like the worst person in the world saying all of this out loud. 

“I didn’t know when Kageyama’s shifts at the sports store start. Or what time his practices are. I don’t know when his classes start. And honestly Suga, look at where we are right now,” he spat out angrily. “Maybe it’s not so much that I don’t deserve to love Kageyama, but he sure as fuck deserves someone better than me.” 

Hinata finished his rant and waited for Suga’s response. No doubt he would tell Hinata that he was right now that all the evidence had been presented. 

After a few more deep breaths, he looked over at Suga. He was biting his cheek and pursing his lips, eyebrows raised. He nodded. 

“I mean, yeah you’re right. He does take pretty good care of you,” he shrugged. 

“Exactly!” Hinata perked up, “So I should just squash these feelings down and never speak of them again. Thank you, Suga, your words of wisdom are always welcome,” Hinata rushed out. He was content with that being the end of the conversation, his own self doubt confirmed for him. 

Suga shook his head. “I didn’t say that. Listen, Kageyama takes good care of you in the ways you need. He doesn’t need you to tell him when to go to class or anything like that. I’m sure he needs you in his own ways. Why don’t you ask him about it before you jump to conclusions?” 

Hinata deflated. Of course Suga made sense. When did he not make sense? Hinata narrowed his eyes and glared at Suga. 

“Ya know, I really hate it when you rationalize my irrational thoughts.” Suga laughed and rubbed a hand up and down his back. 

Nothing more was said. Nothing more needed to be said. At that point, all that was left to do was wait for Kageyama to wake up. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t have any idea how medically accurate any of this is. 
> 
> One more chapter! 
> 
> Thanks for reading this far! Kudos and comments always appreciated :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata is an idiot and Kageyama is very tired.

They sat in silence for a while. Around five in the morning, Kageyama’s parents called to say they finally got a flight out of Sydney. Apparently Ennoshita had called them at some point, bless him. He had also called Hinata’s mom and she said she would head over to Tokyo as soon as Natsu woke up for school in a couple of hours.

Hinata’s exhaustion caught up to him and Suga told Hinata to take a nap. He said that if anything happened, they’d wake him, but Hinata couldn’t do that. When he realized he wasn’t going to win this battle, Suga offered to go get the four of them coffee and breakfast from the hospital cafeteria and took Ennoshita with him. 

Once again, Hinata was bombarded with thoughts of what-ifs and “do I deserve hims.” He was so so grateful that Kageyama was okay. Now he was worried though, about how Kageyama would react when he woke up. Would he be mad? Would he hate Hinata? 

Hinata was only a few minutes into his spiral when a tired and hoarse, but achingly familiar voice rudely interrupted him. 

“Oi, dumbass,” Kageyama croaked. Hinata shot up to his feet. 

“Kageyama!” he exclaimed as he walked the itty bitty bit of space that was left between him and Kageyama’s bedside. 

Thank GOD he was finally awake. Relief washed over Hinata’s entire being as he felt his body fully relax for the first time in the hours since dinner the night before. 

“I’ll go get Suga and Ennoshita,” Hinata barely registered Tanaka say before he walked out the door, leaving the two of them alone. 

Kageyama coughed a bit before he reached up, wincing a bit, and smoothed out the furrow between Hinata’s eyebrows. 

Hinata melted. 

“Stop thinking so much,” he coughed again, “you’ll hurt yourself,” Kageyama smiled lazily, and Hinata’s heart fluttered. 

“Baka,” he scolded Kageyama as he wiped tears off his cheeks, “don’t do anything like that again. You scared the shit out of me.” 

Kageyama frowned and Hinata instantly regretted saying anything. 

“N-no. I’m sorry, I just—“ Kageyama shook his head, so Hinata clamped his mouth shut. 

“No, don’t. I—“ he coughed again. “Water?” he asked Hinata. 

Hinata mentally slapped himself. Duh. Of course he needed water. He obliged and a cup of water from the pitcher Akasuki had left earlier. He handed it to Kageyama, who took it in shaky hands. 

Kageyama frowned again when he noticed that. Hinata tch’d and wrapped his own hands around Kageyama’s. 

“Don’t worry, your setting abilities aren’t at risk. Give yourself a break, Kageyama,” he sighed. “You almost died,” he choked on the last word and Kageyama winced. Hinata froze as he realized what he said and tried to salvage the situation. 

“Well I don’t know if it was that serious, but it was definitely scary and I definitely thought you might die, but Akasuki— she’s the nice nurse that’s been helping me through all this— never really actually said that you were gonna die, but she did say I might’ve saved your life so is that the same thing? I don’t really know, but you’re fine now, well at least almost fine. You  _ will  _ be fine, so I probably should’ve just kept my mouth shut but—“

“Hinata, stop.” Kageyama ordered and Hinata stopped, his mouth hanging open. He snapped it shut and put his hands, which had been flailing around in his rant, down quickly to settle in his lap. 

“It’s not your fault,” Kageyama asserted. Hinata almost believed him. Almost. 

“But Kageyama, if I had forced you to come earlier, or paid a little more attention, or even stopped being so selfish and skipped class and tried, for once, to take care of you the same way you take care of me, then maybe—“

“What the fuck, Shoyo?” Again, Hinata froze. He called him by his given name again, but there was so much contempt in his voice when he said it, that Hinata wished he hadn’t. 

“Kageyama, I—“

“No no. What the  _ fuck?  _ You think you don’t take care of me? What kind of bullshit is that?” He scoffed and scowled at Hinata. Hinata just stared back at him and blinked owlishly, not quite sure how to respond. 

“That’s what you’re upset about?” he finally settled on after a few moments. “That’s a huge relief,” he sighed and looked down. 

It was silent for a minute longer than Hinata would have liked so he looked back up, only to be completely shocked by the scowl on Kageyama’s face and the angry tears forming in his eyes. 

“Kageyama? Are you okay? Should I call a nurse?” Hinata began reaching for the call button, but Kageyama’s hand shot out and grabbed his wrist, effectively stopping him. His grip on Hinata’s wrist was warm, a sign he still had a bit of a fever. When he looked at Kageyama, he was full on crying, much to Hinata’s shock. 

“K-kageyama? Are you—“ 

“Hinata, what the  _ fuck?”  _

“I’m sorry?” Hinata tried, unsure. “I’m sorry, Yama. I don’t really understand—“ 

“Do I not tell you that I appreciate you? Do I never thank you for the things you do? Do you think that I  _ hate _ you? I’m sorry, Hinata. I’m so sorry. You have to believe me. You do so much for me and I—“ After taking a moment to get over his initial bewilderment, Hinata cut off Kageyama’s desperate rambling. 

“Yama, no. Oh my gosh,” he chuckled, “I know you care about me.  _ I’m _ sorry. I didn’t mean to— it’s my problem. Why the hell are you crying?” 

“I don’t know!” Kageyama shrieked. “I’m so tired and I don’t feel good and now I feel even worse because I’m obviously the worse person in the world if you don’t understand how much I appreciate you,” he brought an IV’d hand up to aggressively wipe his tears away. “Why am I still crying?!” 

Hinata was very conflicted. On the one hand, he was glad Kageyama wasn’t upset with him. On the other hand though, Kageyama was just plain old upset. Which Hinata didn’t like either. He needed to fix this. He took one of Kageyama’s hands in his own. 

“No, Kageyama, listen,” he looked at Kageyama’s teary face, his own very serious.

“You have nothing to be upset about, okay? I’m sorry. I know you care about me, I was just being dumb. I thought that I messed up. Not you. I couldn’t shake the idea that it was my fault you were in this situation. You’re amazing, Yama, okay? So stop getting so worked up. You need to rest.” Kageyama sniffed and nodded. He looked like a kicked puppy. 

“Shit. You’re so stupid.  _ I’m  _ so stupid. Oh my goodness. This is so stupid. For fuck’s sake,” Hinata chuckled and looked away. Kageyama squawked indignantly, but Hinata didn’t turn back yet. 

In that moment, he made a decision. Looking at Kageyama and knowing he would be okay, and knowing that he would get to keep living with Kageyama and spend nights with him on the couch watching stupid movies and laughing at each other and picking stupid fights, made something warm wash over Hinata and he knew he had to confess right then and there. He looked at Kageyama’s sweaty, pale, tear-stained, beautiful, amazing face and said the most romantic thing he could think of saying at that moment. 

“Dude, I love you.” 

Silence lingered between them longer than Hinata would have liked. In fact, he was just about to get up and leave, making some excuse about going to find Tanaka and the others, when Kageyama finally broke the silence with the most glorious laugh Hinata had ever heard. 

Through his laughing, Kageyama managed to sputter out, “That’s your confession? Really? Okay ‘dude.’ I love you too, ‘homie.’ Let’s be boyfriends, okay, ‘bro’?” He was crying again, but for very different reasons. 

Hinata’s entire body flushed in embarrassment. Even he had to admit that there may have been a slightly better way to say that. However, before he could spiral into overthinking, Kageyama’s words registered. 

“Are you serious?” he asked, and Kageyama’s laughter started dying out, he dropped his head back onto his pillow. He looked exhausted and Hinata really wanted to let him go to sleep, but not before he got an answer. 

“W-what?” Kageyama said, a hand coming up to wipe stray tears out of the corner of his eyes, ( _ okay was it really that funny, Hinata thought to himself). _

“You love me too? You want to be my boyfriend? Are you for real or are you just making fun of me?” Hinata asked, unable to hide the hope in his tone. 

“Oh,” Kageyama replied, shifting to get a better view of Hinata, wincing in the process. “Yeah. I guess I’m serious. I’ve been thinking about it for a while. Just wasn't sure where you stood, so I was waiting to see what you'd do.” 

“What? Are you kidding me?” Hinata was dumbfounded. His heart was racing and he was trying really really hard not to smack Kageyama. Or jump him. Or both. 

“Yeah I mean, I’ve had feelings for you since second year. I thought you were straight though. Everyone thought you and Yachi were going to get together. Imagine our surprise when she and that girl in class B got together.” 

“Since  _ second year?! _ Bakageyama! You idiot! Why didn’t you say anything?” The desire to smack Kageyama was winning out over jumping him now. 

“Are you listening to me?” Kageyama deadpanned, looking around Hinata through half closed eyes. “I thought you were straight. We all did. Well, at least until all the other dudes from other teams started flirting with you all the time. Heck, even Oikawa; it made Iwaizumi-san finally get the balls he needed to ask Oikawa out. For whatever reason, he didn’t care about all the other people Oikawa flirted with… but you mattered? I don’t know,” he stopped for a second before shaking his head and continuing. 

“In any case, I didn’t want to say anything then because you always flirted back. I figured you didn’t want a boyfriend,” he shrugged and looked at Hinata like his explanation was the most obvious thing in the world. And wow, Hinata had to take a second to process everything. The situation had done a complete 180 and he wasn’t quite sure what to make of it. 

“Those guys weren’t flirting with me?” Hinata said dumbly. Kageyama looked back at him and stifled his laughter again. 

“You really are an idiot, huh? It was so obvious to everyone on our team. Atsumu-san was up your ass every time we saw Inarizaki. Aone-san almost combusted every time we played Date Tech. Hoshiumu-san, though less obvious, did everything he could to impress you when we played Kamomedai,” Kageyama explained matter-of-fact. He sat up and looked at Hinata with the most exasperated look he’s given the redhead to date. 

“Honestly Hinata, the entire Shiratorizawa team was after you at some point or another,” Kageyama said all of that without batting an eye as if it was as simple a fact as the sky being blue and the grass being green. 

“What? No,” Hinata said, flustered. He looked at Kageyama, who raised his eyebrows in response. “What? No...what?....no….no...flirting? With me? What? No. You’re wrong. No.” 

Kageyama shrugged again. “Alright well, believe what you want. But I didn’t think I could compete. I was content to just be your best friend because ultimately, that was closer than any of those other guys ever got and a much more permanent position. Even if you had ended up dating one of them, I knew my place as best friend was secure. Can I go back to sleep now? I did just have major surgery.”

Hinata didn’t respond, still trying to comprehend the information Kageyama just shared. How the hell was he so calm? 

“Is this just a side effect of the drugs the doctors gave you?” Kageyama rolled his eyes. 

“Why are you saying all these things like they’re not a big deal? How do you even know that any of those guys were into other guys? And why only guys?” Kageyama sighed. Hinata’s eyes were wide and looking anywhere but at Kageyama. 

“Girls flirted too. I just didn’t care about them, so I didn’t pay attention to them. I can’t compete with girls. I don’t have boobs. Or...other girl parts. If you had chosen a girl, my suspicions of your unfortunate heterosexuality would have been confirmed. But, come to think of it, you really only flirted back with the boys,” he trailed off and paused a moment, thinking. Hinata stared at him incredulously. Eventually, Kageyama just shrugged and Hinata’s soul died a little. 

“How the hell did I not pick up on any of that? I didn’t notice Atsumu-san or Aone-san or the Grand King—who flirts with everyone mind you—or any of the girls? Yachi? As if. She was into Nanami-chan for like forever and a half. Even if I did like her, I never would’ve caught her attention. She seriously only had eyes for Nanami-chan. She wouldn’t have paid me any attention,” Hinata rambled on, trying to verbally and audibly process all of this. Kageyama had liked him for years? Everyone flirted with Hinata? Kageyama didn’t think he had a chance? What a dummy. 

“Listen, I’m not the idiot,” he continued his rant. Kageyama looked bored, used to Hinata’s spirals, but lacking the energy to match his mood. “You’re the idiot! I didn’t even notice all those guys, or girls, for that matter. I was too busy chasing after you, Baka! I only paid attention to you, well and Saltyshima when he was being a dick. And Daichi-san when he got mad and later Ennoshita-san and Tadashi. But nonetheless! Obviously all those people meant jack shit to me, because I had you beside me. That was all I needed.” 

By the time he finished, Kageyama was sitting up fully, heroically trying to ignore the pain in his side, and making moves to get closer to Hinata, grimacing the whole time. 

“Yama, what are you doing? Lay down. Go to sleep.” 

“Hinata you idiot, come here so I can kiss your stupid face.” 

“What?” 

“Listen,” he groaned, “I’m putting on a strong front, but I still have a fever and my side hurts a lot and I really need some pain meds, so please call the nurse after this, and honestly I’m really nauseous and wanna throw up a little, plus I’m ready to sleep for 15 years, but I can’t do any of that until I’ve finally kissed your dumbass face. Please bring it here so I don’t have to do any more work.” 

Hinata needed no more convincing. Despite the threat of puke and sweat and fever, Hinata stood up and leaned down, taller than Kageyama for once, and cupped his sick friend’s face and kissed him like his life depended on it. Kageyama returned the favor in kind, gripping Hinata’s sides and pulling him closer. It was clumsy and Kageyama’s lips were warm with fever, Hinata’s chapped from nervously picking at them for the last few hours, but it was perfect. 

Kageyama swiped his tongue across Hinata’s bottom lip and Hinata granted him the access requested. They stayed like that for a while, discovering a new side of each other, until Kageyama pulled away suddenly and turned his head away. 

“Kageyama?” 

In response, Kageyama just brought the back of his hand up to his mouth and squeezed his eyes shut, taking his other hand off Hinata’s side and using it to ask for a minute. Hinata rolled his eyes and tried to remember that Kageyama just had a big surgery and he shouldn’t be offended that he might throw up after their first kiss. 

After a second, Kageyama relaxed and laid back down, breathing heavily. 

“Maybe no kissing for a while, huh?” Hinata asked, sitting down beside his friend (?) and wrapping an arm around his shoulder. Kageyama buried his face in Hinata’s chest and moaned. Hinata blushed. The two of them were not strangers to this kind of intimacy, but understood the new meaning behind it. Though, it’s not like either had any issue with that. 

“But I liked that a lot,” Kageyama sighed into Hinata’s shirt. 

“Me too, but I think I’d like to try it when it doesn’t make you want to throw up, ya know?” Hinata chuckled, pressing the call button on the bedside for a nurse. 

“That might be nice. Can I go to sleep now?” Kageyama mumbled, already half asleep. With everything that just happened, Hinata honestly did forget about everything else that happened in the last several hours. 

He chuckled and tugged gently on Kageyama’s cheek. “Not yet. Let a nurse check you out first.” 

Akasuki came in a minute later and smiled knowingly at the two, though Kageyama didn’t notice. Hinata blushed and stood up to allow her to check on his boyfriend (?). Kageyama whined at the loss of contact, so Hinata grabbed his hand in compensation.

Akasuki set up new IV drips of whatever pain meds and antibiotics they had put Kageyama on for the time being. Before she left, she cleared her throat, effectively taking Hinata’s attention off of Kageyama. 

“Shoyo-kun, Tobio-kun needs a lot of rest and the nurses and doctors don’t take too kindly to finding friends disrupting that rest in any way. That being said, someone will come knock on the door before they come to check on Tobio-kun in about 2 hours. Please call us if you need something before that, but in the meantime, do whatever he needs you to do in order to make him recover faster,” she winked and left the room. 

Hinata blushed once more and watched her go. He stared at the door for a second longer before Kageyama was tugging on his hand. 

“Shoyo,” he grumbled sleepily, whiny Kageyama making his triumphant return. He tugged on Hinata’s hand again and whined. 

“T-tobio,” he stuttered, unfamiliar with the usage of Kageyama’s first name, “she basically said I can’t sit here.” 

“No,” Kageyama protested sleepily, “what I heard was that she said you should do whatever you can to help me recover faster. I say that cuddles will help so please come here,” he tugged again. 

Hinata stopped and stared down at Kageyama before flushing madly and looking away. 

“What the fuck, Yama, you’re so cute. You’re gonna give me a heart attack,” he said, finally relenting and settling down by Kageyama once more. 

Kageyama nuzzled into Hinata’s side again, his arms coming to wrap around Hinata’s waist, effectively shutting down any desire Hinata had to ever move again.

“Mmm,” Kageyama sighed lazily, the pain meds clearly beginning to take effect as he fought to stay awake, “that’s okay. Then I’ll just have to help you recover too. After all, that’s what boyfriends do right?” 

Hinata didn’t know this Kageyama either, but he was more than excited to get to know him. 

“Right,” Hinata smiled and kissed the top of Kageyama’s head. Kageyama sighed contentedly again.

“I’m so glad you’re okay. Sleep now so we can go home in a few days. I’m gonna take such good care of you that you’ll want to break up with me,” Hinata joked, a hand coming up to play with Kageyama’s grimy, but still somehow silky soft, hair. 

“Never,” Kageyama slurred, “I love you too much,” he squeezed Hinata as tightly as he could given his current state. Hinata melted at the sentiment and kissed his boyfriend’s head once more. 

“I love you too, Yamayama,” he sighed happily and settled down more comfortably next to Kageyama. His hand came down to Kageyama’s side and he drew lazy shapes up and down his boyfriend’s (!) arm. 

Maybe Hinata’s exhaustion from the past 24 hours finally caught up to him. And maybe when the other three returned half an hour later, it was to find their underclassmen sound asleep, wrapped up in each other’s arm, shamelessly and disgustingly drooling on each other. And maybe they just let them sleep like that for hours. Maybe they told their parents’ what was going on and that everything was okay. Maybe Akasuki was the only nurse to come in to check on Kageyama and maybe she worked around the sleeping pair. 

And maybe, when a few days later, Hinata was finally able to take Kageyama home, it was with the understanding that the two of them had been taking care of each other for years, even if they didn’t realize it. And they definitely weren’t planning on stopping that any time soon. As long as they were together, they would be okay. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! That's all she wrote :) Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Again, I tried my best to do research on dissociation and the medical aspects of this overall, but if I got anything wrong, please let me know! I always welcome constructive criticism. 
> 
> Comments and Kudos always appreciated :) follow me on twitter if you want! I'm always down to chat: @/noidea_actually


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